The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity Big Discount

Title : The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity
Category: Interpersonal Relations
Brand: New Harbinger Publications
Item Page Download URL : Download in PDF File
Rating : 4.3
Buyer Review : 18

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Everyone has their own concept of what “monogamy” means—and most people assume their partners and spouses are on the same page. Couples may assume that they are monogamous, but never discuss exactly what the monogamy agreement means to them. What happens when this implicit agreement is broken? After infidelity, relationships can become strained as both partners lose trust and faith in each other. The New Monogamy offers a way out of these difficulties for couples struggling to stay together after infidelity. Couples make these implicit assumptions and agreements explicit so that each partner knows exactly what is expected of them in the future and what they can expect from their partner.

Author Tammy Nelson helps couples regain trust, romance, and intimacy after infidelity by redefining the monogamy contract. The new monogamy contract is an explicit relationship agreement created after the affair that allows each partner to openly, honestly, and safely share their desires, expectations, and limitations. This agreement does not create an open marriage, but rather, an open conversation wherein each partner can have a say in setting the ground rules for their relationship. The book first helps couples rebuild trust after the affair, then engages in a series of Imago dialogues based on questions about what each partner really wants in the relationship, not what you think you should want or what a partner wants you to want. The New Monogamy includes questionnaires, checklists, and candid questions for partners to ask that help welcome complete honesty and trust back into the relationship. Then, the book helps couples make an erotic recovery from infidelity by addressing erotic problems that may surface and offers advice for helping couples return to desiring and trusting one another. After an affair, it’s impossible to go back to the way the relationship was before, but this book offers the chance for a new beginning.

Review :
Too Open Minded for My Taste
As an infidelity specialist, I am always anxious to read new books on the subject, as I love to gather resources to recommend to my clients. The author knows her stuff regarding Imago therapy and has a useful format to help couples re-assess their implicit and explicit agreements. However, her frequent references to "polyamorous" and "polysexual" relationships along with "open marriage," seems to validate these as viable alternate lifestyles. She offers one example of a new agreement by a couple: "that once a month, they'd both have a free weekend in what they could do whatever they wanted, including having sexual experiences with others without needing to let the other know. The rest of the month, they would only be with each other." pp. 147, 148. Really? This does not seem like a healthy option for people who are trying to repair their marriages from the disruption of infidelity. If she only used one such example, that would be forgivable. However, I found her frequent offering up...
A therapist Comment

The book is written simply and is easy to understand. The author is foward thinking and offers a range of options to consider and exercises to help one get there.

The New Monogamy

This is a bold departure from other books on infidelity and takes the stigma out of affair recovery, putting the responsibility fairly back on both partners. Dr. Nelson advocates clear discussions in creating a monogamy definition for each couple and continuous "out-loud" discussions about expectations. Helpful for both the practitioner and the struggling couple, this book combines mindfulness, dialogue, goal-setting and case examples making it a good read and a necessary reference. Thank you!